Stay Steady Striving
This week's article is dedicated to the life of Bradley Welsh. I was fortunate enough to have had the chance to get to know him in recent years and observe the inspirational impact that he had on so many people, not least through the work he did at his community Holyrood Boxing Gym and the organisation that he co-founded - Edinburgh Helping Hands: https://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/news/helping-hands-make-a-difference-1-4723317
Thousands of people shared tributes last week on social media, and this was mine on Twitter:
'Difficult to find words to express the sadness today. It was a privilege to work alongside him @EdiHelpingHands + enjoy so much time @holyroodboxing and just spend time with one of the kindest men I have had the fortune to know. The world has lost such a hero'.
A little over one week on, the sense of sadness and the impact of this loss continues to sink in.
Thinking about some personal development and self care for you or your team or organisation? Or some learning and development and CPD?
We currently have a variety of courses available, not only for counselors or people that use counselling skills in their role (including healthcare staff, teachers and managers) but for absolutely any team, organisation or person. NowCounselling courses provide knowledge and understanding and relevent skills to apply to your life and/or work or studies, or any challenge that you have ahead.
1 day introduction to Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management for practitioners or for self care. 3 day Basic Intensive workshop in Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management (this is 3 days CPD and also the first of 5 steps towards qualification as a Reality Therapy practitioner if people choose to take it forwards)1 day course on understanding the impact of trauma and working with clients in a trauma informed manner 1 day introduction to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Motivational Interviewing (also available as separate half days)1 day introduction to group work skills and training facilitation (similar to the courses called something like 'train the trainer'). 1 or half day course on alcohol awareness and working with clients who identify as having a problem with alcohol1 or half day course on drug awareness and working with clients who identify as having a problem with drug(s)1 day course - Working with others effectively as part of a team 1 day course - Developing yourself as a leader (with a small or capital L)
I can also develop a bespoke course to suit the needs of your team, group or you, including motivational talks and team development days.
You tell me what you need and I will write it and deliver it!
Become Trauma Informed with Choice Theory:
'The core belief in having to be strong enough, characteristic of many people who develop chronic illness, is a defence. The child who perceives that her parents cannot support her emotionally had better develop an attitude of 'I can handle everything myself'. Otherwise, she may feel rejected. One way not to feel rejected is to never ask for help, never admit 'weakness' - to believe that I am strong enough to withstand all my vicissitudes alone'.
The above quote is from When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Dr Gabor Mate. It was shared this week on Twitter by Tigers (@TIGERS_UK), the Scottish based training provider who are a key part of the movement to increase awareness of the impact of trauma on all of us and to provide information and teach skills to enable us to work and live with this new understanding at the heart of everything we do. Along with the Dundee based Connected Baby (@connectedbaby) they led on the organisation of the seminal 'Ace Aware Nation' (@AceAwareNation) conference in Glasgow last year which they are following up with an event this year on June 11th at the Royal Concert Hall in the same city which features contributions from across the justice, health, education and care sectors as well as from award winning author of Poverty Safari - Darren McGarvey, along with Mate. Thanks to this movement, information about the impact of the stress caused by the trauma of ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) is gradually becoming more widely available for all of us.
Learning about the impact of stress resulting from trauma or 'becoming trauma informed' simply transforms our understanding of ourselves and has the potential to improve all of the relationships that we are in, whether that be our relationships in our personal lives or those that we have in work or in school or other educational environments or indeed any other setting. For people that work in some professions, such as support work, childcare, teaching, policing or social work to name a few - becoming trauma informed is absolutely essential. In some other professions, it is only essential! Awareness of the impact of trauma on human beings, both in the short and longer term, can literally be life saving, whatever we do. This of course extends to all settings that we find ourselves in on a day to day basis from home to the sports centre or bus stop or street or shops.
Physiotherapy helps to restore movement and function when someone is affected by injury, illness or disability. It can also help to reduce your risk of injury or illness in the future.
The above definition is from the NHS https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/physiotherapy/. I believe that we can and should shift focus in health care to treating the human mind in the same as we do other parts of the body that are affected by injury, illness or disability, devoting care, attention and resource to rehabilitation. In practice this will enable people to develop the necessary skills to make the progress that they want to make and empower them with the confidence and self belief to sustain those changes.
A positive step forwards was announced by NHS England this week who plan to recruit 1,000 social prescribing 'link workers' into general practice by 2021, as discussed here in GP online.
Arguably, the main motivation is to reduce costs and reduce pressure on GP services, who regularly see patients who need more time and support than they are able to offer, to address the challenges that they face which may or may not be directly connected to existing medical conditions that need to be treated. However, regardless of the factors behind the decision, it is a hugely positive and progressive step which will lead to positive outcomes for patients which will result in improved health and wellbeing and overall quality of life.
For many people, the first two full weeks of the year represent a return to a routine, to regular commitments; to work, school or study. As we land on the Friday of the second of these weeks, perhaps you feel a sense of satisfaction at what you have already achieved this year, or at very least a sense of relief that early January has been negotiated successfully (or just negotiated?!).
As the weekend approaches, which may or may not include a break for you, it is an important time to pause and reflect on what you have done so far this year (which will be more than you think), and to make sure that you are weaving self care into your day regularly. For more on this, see an article from November on this website: Self Care Week 2018 - What Questions are you asking yourself?
Here at NowCounselling, we have been focused on continuing to plan for the year ahead. As well as counselling, coaching, mentoring and psychologically informed supervision, training and staff learning and development is also very high on the agenda. Health and wellbeing for staff should be a key priority for all organisations, self care should be promoted and supported at all times. As part of staff wellbeing and development, ensuring access to adequate training is crucial.
Whether you are an individual looking to develop yourself personally and professionally, or represent an organisation looking to review and update provision for your staff, what we can offer at NowCounselling is equally suitable. Our approach is to assess your needs and unique requirements, find a common language to communicate the learning and design a programme to suit.
Whether your learning preference appears to be Activist, Pragmatist, Theorist or Reflector (to use Honey and Mumford's model) or whether Affiliative, Visionary, Coaching, Coercive, Democratic or Pace Setting (Goleman) best describe your leadership preference, we will design a course which is enjoyable, relevant and full of techniques that you can apply immediately to benefit your work as you move forwards.
Late December is a significant period of time for many people. Some of us celebrate Christmas, some do not, some feel that they have a reason to celebrate and some do not - for a variety of reasons. Some people are faced with difficulties which means that this time of year is anything but a period for celebration and for enjoyment and for others, it feels no different to other months of the year whether that be for wanted or unwanted reasons. Perhaps none of what I have said so far reflects this moment for you? After all, we all know our own story better than we know anything else's.
However this period of time feels for you and whatever this month represents, as we approach the start of a new year I invite you to consider what you have done in the past year. For some, there will be many positive experiences and achievements and for some there will be periods of difficulty and even tragedy. For many, there will be combinations of all of this and more, as is the case in our unpredictable life journeys. Whatever your reality, I invite to consider your progress over the past year and to reflect on the strength that you have and the resilience that you have shown yourself and others. We all have different realities, but we all share a common innate capability for strength and resilience which allows us to grow and we all desire to be compassionate to others and connect in close relationships.
Messages of 'peace and good will to all' are all around at the moment, which should be a message for now and for all seasons. And there is a part of that message that we should all remind ourselves to hold on to (because at times we need to) in this moment as much as ever, and that is the message of peace and good will to ourselves.The voice that we hear more than any others is our own, so whatever you are doing this late December, make sure you try your best to make sure that the words you say to yourself are kind ones. You are a strong and resilient and unique person, with so many qualities and so much to give. So remind yourself not to forget that.
#ItsOKNotToBeOK - and now we're starting to believe it.
It okay not to be okay. A message that is seen more and more regularly these days on social media and elsewhere, and one of such importance that it can never be repeated too many times. It also recently appeared at a club football stadium in Britain, when a large group of supporters wanted to give a wish of 'get well soon' to one of their heroes.
It was Leigh Griffiths, the 28 year old Celtic Football Club and Scotland striker. Sadly, just last week, it was announced by his employer that he would be taking some time off work due to some problems with his health and wellbeing. https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/46539911
"He's reached a point where it's a struggle for him. We are going to give him all the professional help he needs to get him back in a good place again."
The above quote is from his manager, which is one that is reasonable and what should be expected. However, in life and in particular on the issue of mental health and not least in young men, things are not always dealt with and responded to in a way which is reasonable and to be expected (as I discussed during in the article published on this website on November 9th - Talk Tonight: Mental Health is a daily priority for all of us).
Relationships last forever
'We had to face the wall the whole time Match of the Day was on. And the really cruel thing was that we could still hear everything. It was awful. I would cry myself to sleep whenever he did it'.
55 year old television presenter and ex-international football star Ian Wright this week shared some of his life experience in an interview for the Players' Tribune (https://www.theplayerstribune.com/en-us/articles/ian-wright-earning-my-smile) which was also reported on by the BBC (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/46357587).
He describes how, in the earlier years of his life in particular, he often struggled to manage his feelings and that this regularly led to him finding it difficult to negotiate the various challenges that he faced including his quest to progress through school and to finding employment, and with his football career. Anger and frustration and a lack of motivation and confidence regularly led to more challenges to negotiate. Fights were a regular part of life and he spent time in prison after not paying fines for driving offences.
As he reflects on his life now, enjoying a role as part of the presenting team for the famous weekly football show Match of the Day, he describes how the abuse he suffered as a child still affects him today. So much so that when he was first congratulated on securing the job by the lead presenter at the time, he stated that he 'nearly broke down crying'.
Friday 7th February 2018
1 day course: Introduction to Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management for self care and health and wellbeing.
Ideal for anyone with an interest in learning about this model of psychology and how it can be applied to help understand how we behave, and relate to others in all of the various relationships in our lives.
Venue: Stirling University, includes morning and afternoon refreshments (coffee, tea, water) and lunch.
'In short, trauma is about loss of connection - to ourselves, to our bodies, to others and to the world around us'. (Peter Levine, Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma, 1997).
Trauma comes in many different forms and affects human beings in a variety of different ways. Some of that depends on factors such as the life experience and coping strategies of the individual and also on factors related to environment. However, when faced with a traumatic situation, all human beings respond in a completely natural way. We respond by preparing as well as we can to face the situation with one sole purpose - to survive. The stress that we feel in this situation means that all of our focus is geared towards an inextricably linked psychological and physiological setting which is regularly described as fight, flight or freeze. By observing other animals in the natural world (something I have enjoyed doing recently on the BBC 'Dynasties' series https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06mvmmr ) we can see how effective this can be in terms of achieving the desired target.
When successful, this stress response not only keeps us alive in the moment but it can lead to us having a greater opportunity of surviving future trauma of a similar variety by leaving a psychological imprint. The experience is stored and echoes into the future so we are even better equipped to sense threat and danger and respond to it even more quickly and effectively. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, depending on your perspective!), the variety of traumatic situations that we can face in life are more vast and complex compared to other animals and beyond the immediate situation, we have other goals as well as survival.
As well as the fact that all human beings share a physiological need for survival, we also strive to meet various psychological needs (how we do this depends on our perception), this plays out as a continuous battle and is the foundation of the struggle that we face when dealing with the impact of our stress response. When we are faced with a challenging situation in life, but one that is not a threat to our survival, we are capable of producing exactly the same stress response in both cases, and we often do.
Self Care Week 2018: What questions are you asking yourself?
Of all of life's priorities, self care is the easiest to address, right?
Don't worry, I imagine that the vast majority of people also answered the same way that you did!
One of the challenges that we all face is that it can be difficult to focus on self due to our innate need to connect with others and to help, nurture and care. And for many, there are other people that rely on us to do this, whether that be in a work, social or family environment. It can become the default position to put others first (more information and discussion on this is available in the psychology sessions in some of the NowCounselling courses).
Talk Tonight - mental health is a daily priority for all of us.
'As soon as you start to open up that's when you're on the way to feel better. Before that, you don't accept what you've got. You don't even know what it is. But as soon as you say 'I'm not well', that's when you say I'm ready to get help and that's when you get better'.
The above quote is from a recent article https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/46003082 . As I said on twitter just after reading - 'a very courageous story which again shows how difficult it can be in society for a young male in this situation to make the crucial step of asking for help. It is everyone’s responsibility to make it easier for everyone to get the help that they need'.
Christian Nade, a professional footballer now in his mid thirties, was eventually able to access the support that he needed. But as the article shows, his story was very close to ending in tragedy, like it does for so many others, and in particular for men, moreover those at the younger end of the adult age range.
'Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease. It is also predominantly a male disorder. Of the 5,981 suicides in 2012, an astonishing 4,590 (76%) were men. And yet while Britain has high-profile campaigns on, say, testicular cancer or driving safely, the biggest killer of men under 50 is not getting the attention it deserves'.
A powerful movement is well under way in Scotland. Over the previous year, the Scottish Government have outlined plans to support the progression towards being the first ACE-Aware Nation. Crucially, the movement is gathering more and more momentum at a grassroots level. In September, at a seminal conference at the Glasgow SECC (aceawarescotland.com), Key Note Speaker Dr Nadine Burke Harris outlined the importance of this by declaring that every person has a role to play, regardless of job or role in society, skill, experience or qualifications, and that every person can start their journey to becoming aware of the impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences now - from wherever you are.
One of the key components in the journey to becoming ACEs aware or trauma informed is workforce development. Whether you work in education or healthcare or sports or accounting or retail, learning how to improve your health and wellbeing by self care is not only important for your own mental and physical health but it can have a significant impact on how you relate to and understand others. And not only will your team be more compassionate, but the results will be obvious, whatever your goals are.
Building a trauma informed workforce:
A trauma informed workforce does not only apply to those working directly with clients, patients or pupils that have experienced trauma, it applies to every member of any team or organisation, irrespective of roles and it is not only about caring for those you meet and work with, but for your colleagues and for yourself. The first step to becoming trauma informed is to develop self awareness, knowledge and understanding and practical tools required to improve self care, which includes feeling confident, mentally and physically skilled and able to perform at work. Once you are able to manage your self care, you are then in a position to work more effectively with colleagues and to deliver a trauma informed service to clients, patients, pupils or customers - if indeed you have any.
The results will be clear and obvious. Relationships between staff will be even stronger, stress levels will be reduced, health and wellbeing will be improved and any service that you deliver will be improved.
At NowCounselling we are proud to launch our website which provides information about all of the training courses that we offer, plus details of how we can design something specifically for your needs, whether that be for your team, group or for you as an individual. You will also find information about counselling, coaching and mentoring services plus information about psychologically informed individual and group supervision if you work in the field of counselling or use counselling or coaching skills in your role.
We believe the relationships are the foundation of everything and we hope that this is the start of a very beneficial one for you with us.
News and updates will appear on this website regularly and there will be even more regular updates on twitter about what we are doing as well as useful comments, tips and tools about psychology, self care and health and wellbeing which will be relevant to your work and personal life, areas that we believe are inextricably linked.
We look forward to hearing from you.